Fear

Fear.

It's a double-edged sword. Your senses reach a heightened state. It makes your heart pound so hard it feels like it's going to burst out of your chest. Your palms get cold and clammy. Your stomach starts turning into knots. The "Fight or Flight" mode kicks in, and sometimes it just completely paralyzes you. There are times you feel like you can't breath and you're going to die. At times, it turns out to be nothing at all. Other times, it saves your life. 

Everyone is afraid of something, whether they want to admit it or not. They usually aren't major fears, and to some those fears just become more like annoyances. A lot of people are able to overcome their fear, and hats off to them for doing so.

Me-well, I have TWO fears, and I can only wish they were as minor as an annoyance. However, my fears are actual phobias and I have tried to overcome them. 

My first fear- Snakes. 

Just typing the word sends chills down my spine. I have had this phobia since I was a toddler, and yes- I have touched and held snakes before, and yes, that has only intensified my fear. Now, minoring in psychology, I know it's all in my head. Believe me, I have psycho-analyzed myself inside and out over every aspect of my life. I have looked high and low for ways to overcome my phobias. No luck.

Just to prove that I have tried to overcome my fear of snakes, I will provide you with a picture. Last year for my son's 5th birthday, I had a company called Scales-N-Tales come to our house for his party. Now, spiders, lizards and turtles don't bother me-it's the legless scaly things that fill me with fear. 

Anyway, there were kids everywhere, and they were loving the animals. Shane, the owner was great. He was very interactive with the kids and the animals, and unfortunately, me. As the birthday boy's mom, I had the "privilege" of helping Alex hold the animals. First, there was the 6 inch snake......gulp.........next, there was the 3 ft.  snake..........as it wrapped it's tail around my arm, I jumped and let out a yelp. The kids laughed-I wanted to cry. Next.........the 6 ft. snake. The kids oohed and aahed; I was shaking and trying not to throw up. And, finally............"Oh, Brandy I am going to need your help with this. Just hold the middle as I get the head"........What?!

 Oh yeah, I had a 15 ft. python in my hands, and just the part I was holding felt like it weighed almost as much as I did. We carried this thing over to a line of children whose arms were outstretched and waiting to each hold a portion of the giant snake. I have photos of me with tears going down my face. I was shaking, my stomach was in knots-I wanted to die!!!! But, I lived through it. I won't do it again. Even my 60 lb. dog ran for cover when she saw it. To make matters worse, my daughter had the freaking snake wrapped around her, with it's head next to her face like she was cuddling with a puppy. That thing was big enough to eat her for lunch........GROSS!!!! 

My second fear: Water. 

OK, more like a specific creature in the water. I have one word for you: JAWS.

Again, for most normal people, it was a scary movie but they got over it and moved on. Not me. I was nine years old when I saw it, and to this day I am terrified of sharks. If I can't see or touch the bottom of the water, then good luck getting me in. Yes, I have tried to overcome that fear (I also have pictures of this), and yes, I still have that fear. I went swimming with dolphins while I was in the Bahamas, and I was in water that I could not see or touch the bottom of. Swimming with dolphins has always been something I've wanted to do. It was an exciting and terrifying 30 minutes for me. Although I loved this experience, there was fear lurking in the back of my mind. I just had to keep myself preoccupied with the dolphins........

I have also touched a shark (although it was only about 2 ft. long). That was a huge deal for me. Freaked me out.

My whole point to this is...........I have several friends who are trying to get me to commit to a triathlon. Just like my marathon story (which I will share with you soon), it has never been a dream of mine to compete in a triathlon-Until last September. I had just started working for a local running & triathlon magazine, and my friend/boss was competing in the Kokopelli Triathlon, in Southern Utah. It was the first triathlon I had ever seen, and it was amazing. I was so caught up in the moment that I found myself committing to do one. I figured that if 12 year-old kids were doing it, and people of all sizes and ages were doing it, then I had no excuse. 

Well, here we are, seven months later...............and my friends want me to commit to the Echo Tri in July. My hang up? The water, of course. I can do the cycling and running part. It's the freaking water that I can't get past! My friend Kyle, who is an awesome triathlete and a fantastic swimmer, has agreed to coach me. But first, I have to learn how to swim-and overcome my fear. Oh, I can kind of swim, but if my kids were to drown there would be no way I could save them. I'm pathetic, I know. 

I really want to do this, but just thinking about getting into open water with hundreds of other swimmers and all sorts of chaos, freaks me out. My stomach is turning just trying to tell you about this.

I have two questions for you:

1- Is there a fear (minor or major) that you haven't conquered?

2-Do you have any suggestions on how I can overcome this fear? I really am asking for help. I refuse to let my fear win. 

*Just a side-note: I am well aware that there are no sharks lurking in any of the lakes or pools in Utah. :)
However, just knowing that I can't see or touch the bottom......well, my imagination still manages to get the best of me, and I panic.